Listening/been revelling pretty endlessly in the Black Heart Procession and ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of the Dead CDs lately. Is that a good sign? Don't know. Need to get a Morrisey CD, just to really truly wallow in self pity. Maybe some really sickening emo too, Bright Eyes anyone? Never mind, I dont think I will be able to be that emo. It might make me barf.
Went to Portland this last weekend. It was great and trying and happy and very difficult. I love the town, have some very cool new friends there, but my Portland experiences always leave me feeling, shall I say, crushed. But whatever. I'm kind of opening my eyes to how I've been approaching/expecting/fabricating my own decisions/events/desires. I had some conversations this weekend with someone whom I'm getting to know and that I would like to know better, that really weren't quite like I expected, both a good and bad way. I'm still digesting everything that we talked about and the things that happened, and am really going to make a concerted effort to make sense of it as best I can then respond quietly (for lack of a better word). I like to get dramatic (at least to myself and my friends) in these situations, but I'm trying to control my inner drama queen and act calmly for a change. We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck. It's hard to get a slice of what my future life could be like, and then having the door slammed shut without any indication of whether or not that will become true. Does that make any sense?
Very Confused Right Now.
.me
Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some chlorine, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.
Wednesday, counting down the hours til I leave. This week has been rough, or maybe I'm just a big wuss, but work is wearing me down.
It was puking snow an hour ago, now it's sunny again. Fed Ex isn't coming--things that you take for granted like Fed Ex arriving, suddenly become issues when you live in the middle of nowhere. Then again, I guess that probably happens in severe-weather places too.... But then again I'm not complaining, cause when it doesn't show up I don't have to deal with that one more thing.
Umm, yeah. My brain is tired. I think it's decided it's on passive-resistance mode. It's done working so just will sit stubbornly and quietly, not responding. As is clearly evidenced by the number of times I've had to go back and fix spelling. Um, hi, Blogger? Yeah, Spell Check would be great, thanks.
Listening to the new ....Trail of the Dead album. Like it.
it's Monday morning.
eating cold quiche and drinking cold coffee.
holed up this weekend, didn't do much socially, got a lot done at the house.
finally finished the trim in the living room--yay! finally got rid of all the tape and plastic mess.
started a bunch of seeds in the house, we'll see how good my greenthumb really is.
watched the cat eat a piece of spinach.
rode for about an hour yesterday, this hill is beat.
spent too much money buying clothes yesterday.
drank a lot of coffee.
obsessed about the whole PR firm deal, am realizing that i am still rather naive when it comes to the world of business.
not-very-fun decisions to be made this week.
counting down the hours til i get to get the hell outta here.
Woo Hoo!!!!
my dearest blog, it's been so long! for some reason, which hopefully will remain, i am now able to get onto my blog at work. the world is right again. actually, i haven't looked at it in months, but thanks to Eryn jumping on the bandwagon, i checked mine after his came up. Sweet.
Sos, for anyone who still checks this thing, i probably have talked to you since the last update. But, here goes a quick recap anyway.
- i bought a house. it rocks. i am in the throwes of painting and cosmetic remodeling. my first bash i have planned is an Easter party - complete with vintage croquet set i bought off ebay! fancy Easter food, cocktails, croquet and hopefully nice weather.... what else could you ask for?
- my job is hectic, but overall pretty good. crazyness on a daily basis. i'm learning a lot about the world of big (or medium-sized) business. i think the thing that trips me out the most is that you build personal relationships with people through work, then because of business decisions, those relationships get severed or changed or squashed. it's so strange. i have one person who was an account manager of mine who i had a great friendship with, largely because he kicked ass at his job. and yesterday he was fired. i was really upset about it and am trying to figure things out. it sucks.
- even though i now officially own a house, i'm still not so sure about this whole tiny rich ski town deal. i love the people for sure, but small town politics are not my forte. i miss my family and friends, the ocean, and the anonymity yet not-too-bigness of my hometown. plus, Encinitas is just the fuckin coolest town ever. miss it lots. and, i miss feeling in my element. i am a California child in body and mind - i definitely feel out of place here sometimes....
but, all is well for the most part, i can't complain. am going to my fav city of Portland next weekend to visit my growing cache of friends up there and maybe do a bit of work. i'm really looking forward to it. P-town rocks. it'll be good to do some quality eating and shopping.
werd.
