the tundrah blog

hmmmkay. blogging. it is early and i had a late night. and slept on a couch and was woken up at 6:30am by roomates and swirling dogs. sticking their noses in my hair since i was right at their level. and came to work at 7:15am and dug a clean tee and a trucker out of our sample pile for clean clothes and greasy hair hideage. i wasnt really planning on drinking much last night since i have a pretty full day today, but somehow it just happened. i will now sleep blissfully on the plane.

i fell asleep at i have no clue what time watching a rerun of the MTV VMAs. i love Fifty. and Dre and Snoop. i love hip hop and rap and eminem these days. i love how he is sooo white and wears those geeky little glasses. that cracks me up. what doesnt crack me up is all the poseur punker/glam kids on the stage. you know those little bastards have a stylist that picked out all their grungy clothes for them and did their hair just so before the show. i swear this whole retro-rock-revival is the new hair band movement of the 2000s. AFI and Good Charlotte and the Vines and the Hives and whatever other crap circulating on our airwaves are the new Styx and Def Leppard and Poison. will the kids-come-semi-adults fifteen twenty years from now squeal delightedly as we do when a kickin' Motley Crue tune comes on the "adult station?"

who knows my dears.

on the tv front, i've found my new addiction. since For Love or Money 2 is leaving us after this Monday, i needed a new trash fix. found it. that would be courtesy of the OC. truly glorious and impressive if only for the fact of its thinly veiled but blatant rip-off of one of the best camp programs ever to grace television. at it's peak, a standard 90210 episode took a moral lesson, up-to-the-second fashion whorage trending, and a campy plotline, then whipped it all up into a sickeningly sweet and frothy but refreshing example of over-privlidged teen experience. the OC probably wont do anything that 90210 hasn't already, but there's no point in that. the original formula worked for 10 seasons, why can't an updated retake work just as well? the action sport industry types are grumbling about the inaccuracies in lingo (longboarding "6-foot breakers") and the fact that it has yet to even show a shot filmed in Newport, but I say pooh pooh to that. that's not really even relevant. what is relevant is overblown teen angst, uses of "that totally blows," and tride and true plotlines with the right amout of fluff thrown in that have stood the test of time.

AND, for anyone who is still reading this, you must, must, even if you never ever desire to see this show, go to the episode recap page on the website. i was in tears reading the summaries of each episode. there is some bitter under-paid emo kid writing in a dank and dark Westwood cubicle about the bouncing bosoms and high drama of sunny and wealthy Newport Beach. and he/she is pissed. pure genius. go here now.

*** for those of you who dont believe me, here's a little teaser for you.... enjoy.

"The drama finally ends and the dancing begins. And then the drama begins anew. Holly's dad buttonholes Jimmy and demands his money. Jimmy confesses that it's gone. He just needs that one stock to turn around! Holly's dad flies into a rage and punches Jimmy in the face, then jumps on top of him and bashes his head into the dance floor. Sandy tries to break up the imbroglio and is rewarded with a slug in the kisser. Ryan pulls them apart and Holly's dad exits, yelling, "He's a thief!" This probably isn't how Jimmy wanted people to find out his problems."

genius, i'm telling you.

xoxo.

i created my own hell!

enjoy.

hey kids. rock and roll. rock on.

we heard that song at lunch today and got in a fer shizzel trying to remember the name of the one-hit-wonder soap opera star who sang it. whomever gets the answer gets a kiss from me. or maybe not, as last time that was the case, it turned into a very bizarre scenario and i was suddenly being asked to dinner by a weirdo..... no more kisses from me on the auction block!
***
i just talked to a guy on the phone who is the lead singer for some hardcore metal band. he was very nice and polite and gracious. i find that amusing for some reason. its like having multiple personalities or something.
***
the Moms was here for the last five or so days, it was good. she cooked and did dishes and dug in the dirt and laughed at the cats with me. was super mellow as i had hoped. as of Friday, i had worked for 11 straight days, and my body went on strike. i called in sick to work then went back to sleep for a total of 12 hours. also got to sleep in for 4 days in a row, which has been unheard of since i got this job for sure. so, i'm finally pretty rested and ready to rock out next week.
***
kinda in a weird mood, am getting back into transient mode, as i will be on the move for the next month or so.... i always feel like i'm behind. usually on work, but also in my life too. i wonder what it would be like to have the majority of my friends all in the same place. that would be nice, then i wouldnt have to be eternally missing someone somewhere. but maybe thats just a part of life, or at least the adventurous life. i'd like to think i have an adventurous life anyways. not really in the i climb mt everest and do adventure racing for a living sense, but maybe more in the "i like to move to random states and have weird jobs" sense. huh.
***
today is officially Random Stream of Consciousness Day.
***
.me

so, i just put on my most favoritest windbreaker. it makes me want to go riding. BAD.

enough of this heat shit. bring on the snow.

.l

the week is almost done and my brain is fried... too much information intake over the last few days, and will be more coming.... i should take this opportunity to get organized, but i'm not really feeling the energy right now. now that i've started this post, dont really have the energy to even say anything interesting.............. blugh.

am bummed that my ASR event planning is not going as i had hoped. actually what's happening, is that i am planning and humming along, on the request of my snowboard team manager. then, he tells me that the other parties involved are having other thoughts and dont want to do what he gave me the go-ahead on..... argh! annoyed. especially because he is not here, ever. and, again, he's the significant other of the friend who i had the gossip falling out with... she and i are trying to get back to normal terms with each other, but its hard for me to listen to her gush about him and how he doesnt get paid enough, when all i see of him is pawning off his work on others and not having any idea how to manage money..... and, she's now pouring in her own money to his house (with a contract apparently)--i'm having a hard time biting my tongue on that one.

anyways, i should get over it and learn to A) not take on his projects, and B) take anything having to do with either of them at face value, then move on with my life.

sorry for the rambling/whining/woe is me speil, but then again isn't that what always happens around here?
xoxo.

meetings meetings.... marketing agendas and budget hacks..... our product versus others, our teams versus others, our cool factor versus others.

ASR is rapidly approaching--parties being planned, house sitters being arranged, days at the races and the beach await me. moms is coming into town tonite, hopefully will allay some of my spastic hyper-overdrive activities. she's always good for slowing things down a notch. things are crazy and hectic but really good, i cant wait to go home, it's gonna be a non-stop 10 day party. our snowboard movie is premiering (yeah SkeeLo!!!), as of now we're 99% sure we're at the onyx room which will be rockin'. i'm suddenly orchestrating the whole thing which is scary and overwhelming and fun...

last night i had a weird dream, which is unusual for me..... Pete and i were in South America - i know it wasn't Costa Rica (where we're planning on going), i think it was Brazil. he had rented a car, which was actually a big circa-70's American truck. i dont know where he was, but i drove it off a cliff and into this ditch/ravine thing. the car was somehow roofless, and i magically bailed out the top and landed safely while the truck skyrocketed down into this ravine and crashed and wrecked. it was under his name, so i felt very guilty, but for some reason i think i had to go to my ten year reunion, so i left, and he dealt with the car. bizarre.

think thats it, back into meetings for the rest of the day shortly...... fun fun.

hi. i'm back in SV. tired. worked all last week in office and then at the show, through the weekend, got home last night, now am at work again. all week budget meetings. ugh. the show ended up being more fun than i had anticipated. it was a weird whirlwind of coincidences and crossed paths and great amounts of alcohol..... the best of those that i experienced was during my spa night with my OUtside ad rep. she's a very cool girl, super sweet and pretty reserved, i like her. we somehow started talking about riding and horses, and ended up figuring out that her best friend growing up and riding with turned out to be the girl who taught me the ropes at the ranch in WY, and whom i've always thought was an awesome person. it was good to talk to her about that and things that i love that i cant exactly takl about with other people.....

want to write more, but have to get organized on budgeting stuff..... yuck.

.liz

am tired. switch-hitting caffiene and alcohol, in a daze. speaking of, caffiene phase for the day is about done, its beer-thirty. am on autoresponse mode--i may live and participate in the Outdoor universe, but i could give a shit about the culture. laughed so hard with my friends from work last night that i cant function right now. my life is weird and tired but special and lucky. i am off to the spa for some pampering thanks to me spending other peoples money. sweet.

all for now.
.l

wow! i got linked to by the always eloquent and entertaining tony pierce.

very cool, i now feel like a true part of the blosphere......

.l

hi blog and blog-readers.

when uncontrollably ranting and raving last week , i was effectively letting off steam and simultaneously trying to figure out all the mad drama that i had created. i figured anyone who was unfortunate enough to slog through my crying and whining would be rolling their eyes in disgust and make a solemn vow never to come back to *this blog* again. but, much to my surprise, i received unexpected words (and gifts!) of encouragement from some unexpected sources. thanks mucho to both Adam and Mr. Stuparich for the kindness. when I received an Amazon box this morning I thought to myself "Oh crap, my web-shopping habits are really getting out of control when I cant even remember what I ordered..." thanks Mike, that was really cool, i can't wait to read it. i always try to remind myself when i get bummed out that i can't be all that bad of a being since i always seem to be surrounded by (if not physically, always in contact with) really awesome people. thanks to everyone who listens to me. :)

other than that, just getting ready to leave for SLC. am scrambling at work to get loose ends tied up and under control. had a good weekend, ended up at the lake again, played a riotous game of asshole on the beach, got some sun. also had the best dinner in ages cooked by Angie, and after drinking beer and being in the sun all day, we zoned out watching American Chopper for about 3 hours. i never would have guessed in a million years that i would like that show, but it's hilarious. i love watching big beefy men with bad East Coast accents yelling at each other and weilding power tools. good stuff. another notch on my lust for reality television bedpost.

on to the SLC, may not be blogging til next week, we'll see.....

xoxo,
.l

its Friday. that's a good thing. so, i'm still dealing with this music crapola. because we are offering the label and publisher a ridiculously small sum of money--according to them, anyways--they are being extremely difficult and are refusing to get back to me so i can finalize this (technically i was supposed to have this finished 2 weeks ago). but, the best part of the whole thing is an unbelievable fiasco of coincidence, that could only occur by fate. this could never be arranged, even if you tried.... my band manager girl, who has been ochestrating this whole mess, is named Paula. i then have to get permission from the record label, and also, what is known as the publisher. the record label is Warner Chappell and the manager's name is Paulette. the publisher is Warner Starategic Marketing, and that contact person's name is Pauline. how the hell i'm keeping these people straight is anyone's guess. not to mention they all work in the music industry so they're haughty and total pains in the ass. actually, i lie. Paula, has been hugely helpful, i just get afaraid of her sometimes cause she's super-East-Coaster. i forget that just because she sounds like she's yelling at me doesnt mean she is.....

so thats about it. work has been thankfully mellow for a change. it's almost dangerous when it gets like this, cause thats when i really zone off into my own world and start forgetting about things.... still not sure about the party, might just drop it all together. hmmm. i'm ready to get out of here right-quick, even if it is only to the nastiness of glorious Salt Lake City. i need a period where i can comfort in things like Starbucks on every corner and traffic and Whole Foods markets, and hotels and tall office buildings. and Mormons. i love me some Mormons.

happy weekend,
xoxo.

things are calming down. or i should say i'm calming down. i apologize for the psycho FREAK OUT!!!!! rant, but all is not forgotten. luckily the object of my hysteria is out of town for a while, so i can chill out before having to confront that whole situation.

instead, i am channelling my energy into planning my Costa Rica trip. it's gonna be awesome. i cant wait. i even found out today, randomly, that someone i work with has a place down there that we'll probably get to stay in for cheap. and it's on Tamarindo, which is one of the best knownsurf spots in CR. sweet!!! and, we want to do a canopy tour so we can see MONKEYS!!! i'm on a total monkey freak out right now. partially because of CR, and partially because of a website that is getting me motivated to draw again. they had/have an assignment to draw monkeys, so thats what i've been doing... here are some of them.

am breathing.....

hi blog. i'm glad this is here right now, cause i definitely need to sort some shit out. the main subject of my endless mind circles is the friend thing. why do i let one incident send a supposedly "good" friendship careening towards the abyss of demise? or is it a capper on an under current of other issues that i've been squelching? i'm at the point now where i cant figure out if we're both being stupid prideful girls, or if she really has violated my code of friendship manners and decency. and now, i'm letting the little things creep in and add to the list of justifications for why i should be mad. like the fact that she and boyfriend are leaving for the weekend without bothering to rsvp to a party that i invited them to (with an invite that said "please rsvp"). i guess i'm just supposed to peripherally assume they're not coming, and know that they're leaving town even though no one has told me directly. overreacting??? i have no idea. probably, but my feelings are hurt like they haven't been in a long time. at least not by a friend.

why do i have such a hard time with girls as friends? do i hold them to the same standards that i would to my sisters and cousin, who are my only real female friends? they wouldnt treat me like that, and if they did, i would get pissed, we'd have a discussion and then it would be done. over. none of this cold-shoulder (well thats obviously your problem isnt it?)crap thats going on. UGH. why am i soooo frustrated??? why cant some uninvolved person swoop in and tell me whether or not i'm being an idiot?

i'm drowning and i dont want to be here. this place is fake. this place is tired. this place is outdated and ridiculous and entirely too self-absorbed. maybe i need to leave more, at least as far as taking advantage of the endless land that surrounds this rat trap. that seems to be the main source of enjoyment for me here. removing myself from the people and related trappings, and going outside and away. that should be my mission for this weekend. i was planning to have a party, but no ones coming. a great psuedo-ending to the week that's already been a mess. i cant wait to tell the 5 people who said they'd come. "hey! you're off the hook cause i cant even get enough people together to throw a modest party."

sweet.

so, i guess i've mostly recovered from my "F-You" fest of this morning. sorry if i offended anyone. i'm going to talk with said friend about these types of things. actually, after typing that post, i was so riled up that i went to vent to Christine (who rocks), and she had to drag me into the conference room and shut the door cause i suddenly burst into tears. i guess i just really am struggling with being here right now. i've never thought of myself as a super-private person, but i guess i am. or is it something else? i honestly cant pinpoint exactly what it is/was that infuriates me about that situation.

anyways, i went to see Seabiscuit last night and, *big surprise,* I loved it. I like fairy tales with horses in them, epsecially so when the fairy tales are real. Overall it was good and accurate. It only rarely seemed cheesy to me, and the riding scenes and details were executed very well. the main flaw, which every horse movie ever made has commited, is the neighing thing. in EVERY scene with a horse, they insist on putting this obnoxious, endless track of neighs and whinnys and snorts. HELLO HOLLYWOOD!!!!! BREAKING NEWS!!! HORSES DONT MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE!!!! they are actually amazingly quiet animals. again. why that drives me nuts, no clue. but, regardless, i loved it anyways. *horse-movie-geek note: they even stole a song written for and used in All the Pretty Horses, which despite its painful title, was also a very well done movie.

anyways, enough horse talk, back to my monkeys (drawings that is).

so. i'm crabby right now. the person who i consider my best friend up here is being catty and gossipy and i dont appreciate it, regardless of whether she's only directing it at me or who knows who else. i also have been rubbed the wrong way by her significant other lately, so that probably doesn't help either. she writes me this horribly gossipy email this morning, basically asking me flat out if i spent the night at one of my guy friend's house, since one of her "spies" saw my car parked in his driveway. i informed her that i was camping with him and a group of other people and left my car there. she writes me back dissapointedly saying "gosh. just when i thought i was finally dicovering some scoop about you!" why this pisses me off so bad, i dont know. i guess i just expect more out of someone who is supposed to be my good friend. whatever. i think it also hurts even more because the last thing my guy friend needs to hear is people gossiping about things that arent even happening between us. he is such a good person and the last thing i want is drama for him because we hang out together.

i hate this town for that reason. i cant fucking hang out with who i want or do anything without having people spying on or discussing my personal actions. WHO THE FUCK CARES AND ITS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. I HATE THIS PLACE.

FUCK YOU.

this made me practically pee my pants.

good, good stuff. *see also, "genetically modified chicken lays its own dipping sauce."

last nite i was supposed to "go out," but instead i stayed home and talked on the phone. a lot. i talked to my Mom about gladiolas and snapdragons. i talked to eRon about our Skee-Lo triumph and poker jealousy. i talked to Best Pal Kip about job security and moving to places we dont necessarily want to be in. i talked to my Dad and stepmom about giving up dogs, and Garrison Keillor, and albacore. I talked to Ben Sanders about awkward "my-girlfriends-in-the-next-room-and-she- hates-your-guts" kind of things. so, i got a months worth of phone catch-up work done. it was good.

a am a lucky person for having such great people in my life, especially so for being able to call them my friends.

also, my stepmom finally said "i'm sorry," about the dog. that was all i wanted.

the weekend crawls near.