the tundrah blog

so. i've learned an interesting lesson recently.... not really sure exactly how to explain it but it has to do with building relationships with people. it is natural, when you dont really know someone yet, to be hesitant in expressing your feelings. and i dont mean only during person-to-person interaction, but just in general. as in, i'm much more likely to do a jazzercise tapdance or say something completely obnoxious in front of someone i know extremely well, than someone i just met, or whom i dont know very intimately.

but, this week, i learned, that it really makes things interesting, even refreshing, when right off the bat, you can communicate very clearly up front with someone, even at the risk of sounding like an idiot. if i announce, that i want to do a jazzercise tapdance in front of my new found friend, and he/she says okay, then i can go to town, for better or worse. and if he/she looks at me like i'm nuts, which is more than likely, then hell, at least i wont get too far down the Bonding Road with this person before realizing we're not actually on the same path. and if he/she watches me do the tapdance and actually gets a kick out of it, then we have moved one step further into trusting each other.

on the other side, i've also learned when you've never really established that openess, and everything always remains shrouded by the fact that you cant really say what you think or you want, for fear of scaring/pissing off/alienating the other person, it just snowballs. eventually you cant have any sort of intimate exchange about anything. adn then when you need to have that conversation, and it doesnt happen, the whole scenario will likely implode.

my thoughts for a friday afternoon. enjoy the weekend...

hi. as usual i'm at work and am having a hard time concentrating. when it comes to budget time, my mind and will power turn off completely.... i am so not an accountant. ever.

Portland was great, was so needed, and it will keep me happy for at least a few more days... it was rainy and dreary and gloomy, yet such a comfort to be there. the rain must wear on you after a while, i wonder if i could handle it. my plane landed yesterday and there is already a very healthy smattering of snow on the peaks here in the ID. i'm so ready to go snow-slaying, but maybe not ready for an endless winter....

here's a link to my new favorite blog, that would be the blog of my latest never-gonna-meet-the-person-in-real-life crush. i know i just said it, but please go see Garden State, possibly my favorite movie since the Royal Tenenbaums. oh, and the Life Aquatic (the newest Wes Anderson movie) hits theatres this Christmas. here's the trailer.

other than that, upcoming events: Pixies next week in the SLC (yay!), assorted pre-Christine's-wedding events, cleaning up my yard that is now officially freezer-burned, work. dumb work.

happy fall,
xoxo,
.l

am in P-town right now. created a "work trip" to get the hizzell out of SV, actually the timing worked out quite well.

i love this town and i love the friends i have in this city. i just feel super-comfortable here. Nemo suggested that i do my job out of this office, which would be rad. they just moved into this huge cavernous warehouse/office with lots of extra office space, i even have my own area to work in when i'm here... there's lots of art on the walls and skateboards in the halls and camera equipment and foos-ball tables. my kind of place. only drawback is the noise level. i am currently listening to someone doing kick flips and some sort of hydraulic lift that keeps beeping up and down.... and i can hear that thru my head phones....

other news... arrived Saturday evening and met up with two friends from the work world, had dinner, then went out to a post-movie premier party (was a snow movie i'd already seen last week at ASR). met up with more friends there including ex-roomie and fun girl Sierra D. crashed that nite at the rad Hotel Lucia (which i highly recommend), woke up the next AM, had a wicked hangover, met for breakfast with the same crew. shopped with Sierra, went and saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which i loved. actually, i saw Garden State on Friday nite too which was excellent as well. both of those movies are very relationship-heavy, so they both were tough to watch, but also strangely indulgent. helped me get into the woe-is-me mode, especially Garden State... had a good car cry that nite.

went out again last night, though mellower.... today went to the Salomon/Adidas digs. fancy stuff, got me some Missy Elliot swag. been with Nemo for the rest of the day, went to lunch and the Adidas Originals Store with an employee discount card, got some more cool threads. not sure whats on the books for tonite. i'm exhausted, but as this is my last night in civilization, i feel i should take advantage... we'll see....

'ullo. things are crazy right now. really crazy.

work is a junk show. i was just told this week that going into next year, i am losing my PR firm. that means i get to take up the slack, and in return, i get nothing! i did get that raise a few months back, which was rad, but that in no way is in proportion to this shit thats hitting the fan. it is understood that physically, i am not capable of churning out the same amount of work that they currently do (with 2 full time people working on my account), but still it will fall in my lap and i will have to manage it. sweet. as if i'm not burned out already, this will more quickly and more effectively shorten my Smith lifespan.

but, i have other opportunities arising. am waiting to hear back on a possible retail space in the ENC. but, its definitely in the very early stages, not really sure if its even a possibility yet. but, i have a possible partner, a possible concept, lots of non-concrete things. but its one of those deals--the right part just has to fall into place--and it could be crazy full speed ahead.

am also struggling with some relationships up here in ID. weird things going on with one of the few friends i have up here. i have a hard time realizing why it is so tough for me to make friends up here. i have my ideas/excuses, but it still sucks. i'm caught in this weird no-mans-land of being young, unmarried, unattached, but with a busy, stable job. i know two other people whom are in the same sit as me, and they both friends, one of whom i'm having the issues with....

i had a conversation with Jen yesterday, and she made the same point thats been circling around in my head for a while--i've survived up here this long because i've always liked my job. but with the way things are going right now, i dont see myself being too happy three to six months down the road.

i'm tired.

hi kids. since i've been so lax in posting lately here's a pic for you to laugh at. bull riding at outdoor retailer. yee haw. i also am a litle hesitant to write-again, i found out someone i was not expecting has been reading this thing. not that its a bad thing, i'm just being shy i guess. cant write again til i feel witty. with the way work is going right now, probably not going to happen anytime soon. i have stacks of unpaid personal bills, work invoices and unanswered phone calls and product requests piling up. sweet. i love my job.
tundrah photo